Two weeks ago, I read The Six Habits, #1 bestselling book by Laura DiBenedetto, TEDx speaker, success coach, podcaster, educator, and researcher. The book is currently ranking #1 in Behaviour, #1 in Behavioral Psychology, and #1 in Journaling.
The book was raw, practical and extremely useful. These habits resonated so much with me that I reached out to the author about being interviewed by Utility Avenue. She agreed, so in our weekly spotlight, we want to share her wisdom.
Who is Laura DiBenedetto?
I am an average human. I’m a curious, creative person, and I like to help.
When I found myself close to retiring and discovered life was not what I thought it would be, I wanted to solve that problem. I did not set out to write a book, but in answering it, I was like, “woohoo, I can give this to other people.” I was excited to share it. The book was the byproduct of changing my own life massively. I wanted to invite others into the life they’ve always dreamed of but didn’t think they could have.
How did it all begin?
The desire for the book came from being remarkably unhappy, and just not being okay with that. I did so much: I started a marketing company at 19. For years, I worked so hard to build the life someone else told me was going to bring me all the happiness and satisfaction. When I got there, and I had checked all the boxes, I said, “Okay, give me…”. It wasn’t there.
I was upset and got sick and tired of doing this whole self-help work: I bought all the programs and read all the books, and I was still unhappy. I wanted to solve that. In the process, I found such a massive transformation in my own life that I wanted to share it with others. I had to do more than just write a few sentences and ask people, “Do this magic recipe.” That’s how the book was born.
Besides, I created a 90-day program. It’s great to know about the Six Habits but, without mastery, life will be no different. That’s the real work we need to do. Can you master it on your own? Yeah, you can. It will be easy if you are disciplined about it and work with the science of habits. But I am a stubborn human being, and I don’t want to do the things that are good for me: eat my veggies, or floss, or say “no” to the cake.
There are a lot of programs out there that promise permanent change in 21 days, in 30 days. It’s all a lie. They just want to take your money. My program might look harder on the outside because it’s 90 days, but that’s science. I am not telling you what you want to hear; I’m telling you the truth. If you’re going to be set free, you need 66 days of repetitious activity to build the muscle.
What helped you the most to become a number 1 best-selling author?
I would say, number one: going through an incredible amount of hardship and surviving. It showed me that I am a lot stronger than I thought. I was going through the rough things you read about in the book, like abuse and bullying. Two, my parents are organically resilient people. They are stubborn and problem-solvers — my dad is an inventor. They are both extremely remarkable human beings, with very different things they bring to life, to themselves, to their marriage and their family. I learned a lot from them, from watching them exist but also from how they raised me. My mom always told me, “You can do anything.” “I believe in you.” “You’re always good enough.” “You’re beautiful,” and “You’re special.” The world did not say those things, but my mom did.
What were the main challenges while writing the book?
It was hard to organize my thoughts. I did comprehensive research to back up what I was saying by human behavior, by psychology, by science. I wanted to build something compelling and useful. Like everybody else who writes a book for the first time, you go into it thinking, “I’m just gonna write a book!” and then you just write and write and write. When I finished, I discovered I was far from done. You need to take time away from it, and then go back to it. Then, you need to set it on fire, rewrite the whole thing, clarify your thoughts, hire a professional editor, learn about marketing and publishing, set more things on fire, reedit, and then return, return, and return. It’s been a twenty-month process. I am incredibly grateful to go through all this because, with every iteration, I was organizing my thoughts. I was getting closer to the truth. It was harder than I thought, but it was worth it: all of it.
Who was the most supportive?
Two of my best friends, because they were going through a hard time at the same time I was going through a hard time. One of them was going through depression and anxiety; another one was going through a marriage falling apart. They just wanted the same feelings of joy I was yearning for, but for different reasons. I told them what I was working on and, then I said, “Let’s try to do this together!” I decided to write down a few paragraphs so they could understand. Those paragraphs turned into 55,000 words. I remember when I had about 30,000 words, I thought: “There’s a book here! I can go the distance!” And I chose to go the distance.
Once we’d all realized that I had a book here, they started cheering me on. I’ve done an excellent job surrounding myself with incredible people that celebrate when I succeed, not just wanna hold my hand when I cry. Those are real friends.
My husband too. He’s been super supportive the whole time. He did the 90-day program with me first, and he’s a different person. We’re different people because of my program, and we are not held back by façades anymore. We are not like, “I need to be this way because this is what the world needs me to be, or because I have to protect myself.” No, we say, “I deserve to be this way because this is who I am. And what a privilege to be me! I’m just going to be my best self because that’s the joyful life that I deserve. Period.”
I’m happy now.
We are happy now.
Which are these six habits?
The six habits are kindness, acceptance, gratitude, presence, goodness, and intention.
Who is your book for?
For the people that achieved a certain level of success in their lives, but when they did, they discovered it was not what it was supposed to be.
For the people that lied or were lied to about what happiness was, and always chased the wrong idea. Just like me: I chased success, I chased money, I chased the perfect size two body thinking that would make me happy.
For the person that is just tired of believing lies and pursuing things that don’t resonate. This book will change that person. It can honestly work for everybody, but the people that have felt betrayed by a society that told them a bunch of lies about what happiness was, this will land better than probably anyone else.
How have readers reacted to your book?
I’m so excited. I’ve been getting five-star reviews. I’m so grateful for them, and it’s so thrilling. It’s wonderful to know that people are genuinely feeling a connection to the words and understanding that these are core life values.
Do you have any other passions?
I like to paint, and I am also an amateur photographer. My hobbies are simple: traveling alone might be the most exciting thing about me. My husband is a big fan of that because he knows I come home happy and fulfilled. I love exploring the world, meeting awesome people from different cultures, and having incredible food. I also really enjoy baking.
My passion is my family: my parents, my friends, and my life with my husband, my cat, and my dog. LOVE them! I can’t deny that I worked very hard to make this particular dream come true. I was scared about moving [to Maui], but I did the big scary thing for me, and I am glad I did.
If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?
Nothing. It unfolded exactly the way it should. The time I took to write it and perfect it, and do the research was necessary. I made mistakes I learned valuable lessons from. I wish the people who meet me now had known me three years ago, and compare her to the person I am as a result of my book and my work. Three years ago, I had so much negativity, and today, I am full of gratitude and love for everyone. So, I wouldn’t change a thing—even the bad, like my divorce, the abuse, and the bullying. I wouldn’t change any of it. Nothing, because that would change the fabric of who I am and I love who I am.
What future projects do you have?
I’m writing a business book at some point. I’m excited to do that after 20 years in the business world, 21 now. It’s been a great adventure being an entrepreneur, and I think college is not AT ALL a place for people to learn to be anything other than a cog in a machine someone else built. Not everyone is meant for employment. I wasn’t. When I said I wanted to do my own thing, there were a lot of raised eyebrows. There were little support systems out there at the time to support me. College could introduce valuable knowledge like accounting, marketing, business.
Here’s one principle that is not being taught and will be in my book: Sometimes, your best isn’t good enough, and you must deal with that. The business world does not just hand out participation trophies. Sometimes your best doesn’t cut it, and you lose, and none is going to be there to console you. You need to figure it out, put your big girl pants on, and move on, and get better next time. So, someday, your best will be good enough, and then, eventually, your best will be better than everybody else’s best that you are competing with. The truth is people are not ready. As a result, they are terrified to be entrepreneurs, and they shouldn’t be. It’s a different framework. To be an entrepreneur requires that you are tenacious, curious, and relentless.
What message would you send to your readers?
Do the work.
That’s it. It’s worth it. It will be difficult, but it will give you all the freedom you’ve craved. You need to have the courage to face yourself. You have to be willing to do the work. The struggle is where the beauty is.
Honestly, I want every single person to be exposed to the Six Habits and to do the 90-day program because the habits that are in place now are what got you the life you are living, and for most people, the life they are living is not the one they want to be living. The book is an excellent start to awaken the mind, but the brain needs to be trained. You have to integrate these habits. It’s to do the work to change your ways and your patterns, like not flossing vs. flossing. Of course, it’s a little different than being remarkably unkind to yourself and being the bully inside your head and transforming that relationship into one of the nurturing patterns. You have to work on it and be unafraid.
Can you tell me the essential idea of the book in one sentence?
The Six Habits is a book about liberation and the things we need to do to live the life we were meant for.
Is there anything you would like to add?
I think people will benefit from giving themselves grace. The self-help world and the personal development world do so well because they operate on very predatory thinking, which is “buy my book because only my solution can help you fix what is wrong with you.” I don’t subscribe to that belief at all. Humanity perpetuates false beliefs; we push them forward generationally, and it’s not our fault. Through awareness, we can give ourselves the tools that will set us free. You are capable of mastery. But please, don’t assume it’s simple. Just do the work. That’s it.
Laura DiBenedetto’s Contact Info
Buy The Six Habits in Amazon
IG: @lauraldibenedetto @thesixhabits
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